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The One About S.A.D. - (Now & Then)

December 1, 2024

Clinical depression for 3-4 months a year that has no Rhyme or Reason and doesn’t matter what’s going on is sometimes debilitating. 

I honestly am embarrassed to say that I might end up having to take meds this year to feel “safe” from my own thoughts. 

Seems to get worse each year. Also holidays aren’t necessarily always a great thing and more stress and I can’t necessarily explain it but sometimes bring more sadness than joy.

January 31, 2025

I often post stories about my own past experiences or types of struggles shared by previous patients/clients, in hopes that they might help somebody else feel less alone. I know that so many people suffer from depression and specifically seasonal affective disorder (SAD) up here in New York and the northeast.

I have personally dealt with both S.A.D. and P.M.D.D. for as long as I can remember, but as I get older it seems to get worse. Perhaps it’s because of the fact that I am legally and physically “stuck” here due to my divorce and custody situation. That factor alone seems to make it worse, just because I know that I can’t do anything about it.

This is the first winter that I can remember since I was in college, when I don’t feel depressed. On December 1st, I had been preparing for the worst - preparing for holidays to suck, for the feeling of hopelessness and despair to creep in like they do every winter. But, instead I have it to God. There is a process I had in place this year, and even though I asked God for help, I had doubts that my yearly darkness would be fully lifted. But it has.

And I want to share this process with you, because it is truly life-changing.

There has been a lot of suicide around me in the past year - some people I knew personally, and others were patients who were already deceased on arrival to our hospital.

If you follow me on Instagram or YouTube, you may have heard me say on my LIVE last week that I feel very strongly that the more we can normalize crying, emoting, and talking honestly and healthily about our struggles, the more we might be able to actually save ourselves or someone else from taking their own life.

PSA: If I ever post myself emoting or crying, its not to make it about me, but to connect with other people who are going through the same thing but suffering in silence.

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